Drowning Out the Noise!

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I’ve had many days like this. Wake up expecting something and something completely different goes down... and not in a good way at all! Just a uncontrollable series of events that take place one after the other leaving you feeling like you can’t breathe or the ground beneath your feet is disappearing. Could be a disappointing conversation or someone not showing up to see you etc. followed by no one available at that time to call and vent to, no cable or wi-fi, raining outside so you can’t take a walk in fresh air etc. etc. and it all comes crashing down. It feels like the universe is conspiring against us.

And I am really quite sure I’m not the only one who has gone through this. But I have one big fat word for it all – NOISE. My definition of this word is essentially for anything uncontrollable that finds its way into your system no matter how much you plan to stay balanced, happy, committed whatever goal it is you’re going for at this moment.

Why this word makes the most sense to describe these uncontrollable events that make you feel awful – because a) Noise is awful to hear b) Most of the time, noise takes us away and distracts us from the important things that can make us happy c) Whatever we do, noise will always be a part of life’s signals.

Now then, what is life’s equivalent of noise reduction or regulation or cancellation I wonder? And I’ve been wondering as I have fallen, caved, battled, lost and any other defeatist feeling we can think of. I’ve felt it all.

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But (after this rant, aren’t you glad there is a but? J) there are ways to drown all this out. These are not easy but they’ve worked and I’ll do my best here to describe everything that I’ve deliberately done to drown out the noise and stay happy or balanced or just standing.. there are some times in life when even standing you will take right?

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Just Do:

Like Nike’s slogan, just do something when everything is going kaput. And ideally something that requires you to speak or move actively. Why I stress the physical or active part is because if we’re quiet then the mind takes over and the mind is a breeding ground for noise especially at times like I’ve just described. Take my word for it. Cook an omelette, go for a 30 minute walk, singalong to at least 5 songs, just shower if you will – essentially I have a rule to keep going at it for at least 15 minutes until I’ve forgotten the noise. Frankly even as I start to hear the onion being sliced against the chopping board,  concentrating on the lyrics to ‘Believer’, noticing the pretty roses that are in bloom as I’m walking or just the sound of water flowing in the bathroom and how it feels on my face, I have already forgotten most of the noise – even if it’s just for 5 mins I’ll take it!

Remember:

One thing that works for me like a charm is to remember the times that someone unquestionably had my back. Whether it is my mum who when I was in school took a rickshaw and travelled 30 minutes in the rain once and quite a while back - to bring me my forgotten lunch coz she knew I’d be too busy studying to take time to go out and buy something. Or the 3 amazing ladies that I owe my returned confidence to – all my bosses. Boss no.1 who despite knowing that I was a flight risk owing to my personal problems, took a chance on me and gave me a very rewarding internship. Boss no 2. who took a chance on me when I was reeling in sorrow over a deep personal loss. I had no idea if I could survive at a job 2 hours let alone 4 months. And yet somehow she took the risk and made that call to refer me. Boss no 3 who answered that call, took a chance and gave me the confidence that I could come back. And come back I did.

These are unconditional moves made by people in my life without expectation of return just sheer confidence in my abilities, respect and love for me.

So when noise bothers me or bogs me down, I realize that when I have these Samaritans, I really don’t need to concentrate on the noise but find a way around it coz people will help! You have yours too, I know that. Dig them out now from that head of yours and always remember them and what they did for you.

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Stay:

This one is a little tricky to explain. It could mean ‘Stay’ or ‘Wait’ - either actually. This is the toughest thing to do and yet the most effective without a doubt. Stay where you are even if the noise is as loud as fireworks. Don’t change in that moment or in a knee-jerk reaction, anything about where you are, who you’re with, where you work, what’s planned for the rest of the day, nothing. Do everything as it is planned to be done at least for some period of time.

A few examples of what I’m trying to say; if you’re missing someone you love who doesn’t love you back, that emotion is noise to me. So I’m going do my best to stay in the moment which could be watching a film by myself or talking to my parents or getting ice-cream with my nieces. Every time I distract myself thinking about this lost cause, I’m letting the noise win. So I should stay in the moment. If you think you’ve been wronged in the workplace – didn’t get a promotion, don’t get treated with respect or are overworked and you want to just quit, wait… wait it out a day or two, a week or two a month or two.

This is not to say that I don’t do anything about the situation, I just tend to stay put at that moment when noise (in this case extreme emotion) is controlling me. I process everything outside of the noise once, twice as many times as I can. Once I do that, I have a pretty clear idea of what has to be done.

I may call that crush and express clearly where I come from and then hope he gives me a response. That is a very legitimate action (provided we’re sober J). You may actually quit your unsatisfying job and find something else that excites you professionally. Sure. But think through how you want to get there, what people you need to meet or skills you need to learn and then frankly the path to the new career becomes much easier than it would have otherwise been.

But in that heated moment when tempers flare, tears are rolling, screams are underway, just don’t do anything. Wait. Stay in the moment and then in the moments after that, do everything else you’re supposed to like pick up your kids, clear those office mails, don’t ignore routine things, especially when noise hits you. Stay till the noise subsides and then react.

That does it then, my three ways to stay clear of the noise. I must say it’s not like I’ve never let noise take over. This is very much a work in progress for me as well. But I have to say that when I’ve done the do-remember-stay routine, I’ve managed to drown out the noise. And that’s what I have to say about that! Borrowed I know but fitting end isn’t it? J