Ever get that 'born again' feelin'?

Wow! Two posts in one year?? I'm on a roll.....
But seriously, looks like my identity crisis is gonna last a while! Considering I can't even figure out what I should write about... 'Avatar' did blow me away but this blog's loss was the gain of Facebook 'notes'. So net net... I'm still looking in my little head for content that anyone would actually wanna come back every week or so for! And not random words poured out like this.
But while we do that, lets all get used to this gibberish I guess.
Today is Christmas and soon its gonna be 2010. Ten years into this millenium and while the world still hasn't found a way of gettin' along, men still can't ask attractive, intelligent women out for coffee coz they fear being rejected and I still can't seem to figure out where I'm going with life. I've had 3 confused years trying my best to explicitly and implicitly make plans, set goals, create a positive attitude. Made tall statements to all my friends I was getting aggressive and ambitious, then once I failed to see it through darted back to keepin' these plans to myself and still nothing happened!
So it looks like its all downhill right? In this time and continuous struggle to find myself and constantly beating myself down coz I haven't achieved what I was 'ordained' to do (love using that word especially when I'm trying hopelessly to prove a point :)), practically nothing has gone as planned. Haven't taken risks at all, haven't really done volunteer work that impacted lives forever and haven't even been able to explain clearly to the family around me where I'm coming from on several occassions.
And yet there's always Christmas Eve that sets this 'Born Again' feeling off! This one week for me is always about churning out the crap. A new day dawns, I pray hard for a good year ahead, take a deep breath and move on! But you know whats most beautiful about today, in particular? This is when it has hit me that while I was going through my meandering, twisted life with my meandering, twisted head for company, while a lot of stuff has not come through for me, I can't even begin to count to number of things that have. This morning I started thinking and remembered everything... every glass of juice and chocolate mom gave me in the morning before I darted out to office without eating a decent breakfast, every angel on the street who with a smile, gave me clear directions when I was lost, every friend who remembered me when they celebrated weddings and birthdays, every colleague who waited for me after work until I packed my stuff to grab a 5 minute chat, all the insane online chats and facebook exchanges with contacts all over the planet and simply, the fact that I could get up and go to work with my happy face because in these 3 years, I've had at least one pleasant memory with every single person I know. I may not know where I'm gonna be next year in terms of who I'll work with, whether or not I'll meet targets, make money, make it to South Africa for FIFA '10? But I do know that somewhere I have found ways to get by these three years and how? With joy, fun and laughter!
How can I therefore, not get by the rest of my life? Nothing is really wrong! Like Jack Dawson from the 'Titanic', 'I have a few sheets of paper and air in my lungs'. My 'sheets of paper' are my friends and family, both the present and the ones I'll make in the future. and the 'air' is my faith in them.
I am still standing.. I'm still going to try and find that perfect job, still going to move on when people write me off..
You know why? Coz every year I'm gonna be here again, at Christmas and New Year writing off the Dead and remembering the Living!
In case I don't write about '3 idiots' tomorrow, have a Great Great 2010 and remember to remember the living!!